Are you my Mother?

imageI was chatting with someone about their job the other day. Then they asked me what I do. I told them that I was a professional counsellor, but that at the moment “I look after a two year old.” Which at best sounds like I’m a nanny, and worst that I’ve stolen a small child off the street. After that conversation I realised that I have the most massive aversion to the moniker ‘stay-at-home-mum’. It actually makes me recoil on the inside. My repulsion forces me to give people the two stage answer to the question of vocation. The second part of which comes out in a way so confusing that no-one is really sure what’s going on. I always mention my ‘proper’ profession first, because it sounds really important. And staying home with a kid is so commonplace.

It’s not my intention to cast any aspersions on women who delight in staying home with their kids; I often wish that my own dreams aligned more with my current reality. I actually somewhat envy the beautiful mums that cherish the days of babies and toddlers. But I just was never that person that longed for children. I always knew that I wanted my own family, but it wasn’t like this empty space in me waiting to be filled. I had to trust when I was pregnant that I would somehow love my tiny human – which thankfully I did. I’ve never been a baby-grabber (in the friendly or criminal sense), and I still actually find it awkward having other people’s kids over; it’s like there’s these tiny strangers in my house and I’m not quite sure how to relate to them.

One of the best people I’ve ever met once said, “We all have the fundamental questions of, ‘Am I loved?’ and ‘Am I important?'” I have grown used to answering the latter by being good at doing stuff; by excelling at work and study, by contributing to a common goal, to being a productive person, and a creator of ideas. I thrive on feedback. I love it when people appreciate what I’ve done. It fills my soul to feel like I’ve accomplished something concrete and vital. Pretending to be a dinosaur just doesn’t quite meet those criteria. And I’m actually really crap at making dinosaur noises (however I do a very believable rooster).

I know everyone’s journey is so different, but for me, I feel like God’s asked me to be at home with Judah. I tried not to actually. I had planned to start part time work when he was smaller, but he was such a sick screamy refluxy bubba, that I had no choice but to stay home. Then I investigated further avenues of work and applied for jobs. No dice. I feel like God’s kind of got me pinned under his gracious thumb. Because although it feels unfulfilling to the part of me that wants to be ‘important’, being Mum-mum to my little Schnoops is teaching me that what’s important is doing what God wants me to. And right now that involves being a munted dinosaur. And what could be more important than that?

So, hi everyone. My name’s Deb and I’m a stay-at-home mum. And I think I’m beginning to actually really enjoy it.

“Rrrraaahhhh”.

T-Rex (Deb) xx

10 thoughts on “Are you my Mother?

  1. Good for you Deb, I think identity is a major even for the mamas that love being home. Culturally we are set to ask what people they do in order to identify them, or put them in some kind of place in terms of the way we relate to them… and being ‘just a mum’ doesn’t really fit our own bill of honourable. I’m kind of grateful for that experience because of the way that it pushes you(me) to re-define where my identity comes from and how I measure my importance and worth. It’s not always an easy journey, but it’s a good one. xxxx

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    1. So agree! It’s the ideas from culture that I’ve adopted that rankle so badly at the task at hand… And one of the very reasons why I believe God has been gracious enough to slowly let me experience HIS appreciation as all I really need!

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  2. Love it Deb! My perspective exactly. Kind of freeing knowing other people feel the same way. Hard and awesome all in one package.

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  3. Love it – as usual!! When people ask me what I do, I start telling them how I am a languages teacher who got sick so now does x, y, z. It’s so much part of my identity. I should say instead ‘I run a business and write when I get the opportunity.’ You’re the greatest Mum xx

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  4. I used to always write ‘mother’ proudly 1st…. Then physio or counsellor…depending what decade I was in…Somehow I find it somehow less appropriate to put mum first when Rich and Cam are now 29 and 24 respectively !! …but it is still the profession …the qualification (educated by sons 😍 ) I am most proud of…grateful for xxxxThanks for the opportunity to think Deb xxxxx Attachment strength is offered by those primary caregiver consistencies…and it does very precious things for our children’s brains….It deserves an awesome hourly rate…I think we have to keep trusting we are paid in Gods blessings…and in having time and energy to notice what those blessing are…Walking hand in Hand with a toddler ..chatting, asking and answering questions..that’s gotta have CEO status !! ..and satisfaction xxxxxx scrumptious…and it’s gone in a blink 😍 xxxxRaewyn

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